Diary of a Single Mum ... "The beginning of the Terrible Twos"...xo

"The Beginning of the Terrible Twos"

Everyone has heard of "The terrible twos" a quote I use to believe was simply used as a throw away line from parents as some sort of excuse for their child misbehaving, and their lack of wanting to discipline them, or more being able to discipline them. I often thought these parents didn't have control of the situation and just wanted to believe in this 'so called' excuse called the "terrible twos"...well I can safely say its not a throw away line...its a hellish, exhausting, draining nightmarish (for the parent of course) phase of life that the parent goes through when their child is 2.

Definition of Terrible Twos: "When a child, male or female, is close to, or at, the age of 2 starts to realise that their parents want to stop them from having fun. They have begun using this word 'no' that doesn't sound like fun, and knows that if they kick and scream for long enough (especially in public situations) they will get what they want to save us from that sheer embarrassment"

Last week my friend was in town from Sydney and a mutual girlfriend of ours organising a coffee catch up which I was really looking forward to, yet exhausted from the lack of sleep, and energy, I had lost from a full on week at work (I work full time by the way!) and a full on week being a mum. I decided to walk to the cafe as it was only a 5 minute walk away. My son decided he did not want to go in the pram, he would not have it, we weren't leaving the house otherwise. I was running late and thought "why not", "he can walk" so I grabbed his hand and thought to myself "how nice is this my son needs me... he is holding my hand" when he was probably thinking one step closer to freedom. I have got rid of the pram, soon I will rid this woman's hand and I'm free!

We finally got to coffee, once we had walked across every different land surface possible, cutting pedestrians off because there is a pothole over there that we must walk on. I was so happy to see my friends, yet already ready for nap from getting out of the house to the local cafe. Usually my son is quite shy, he will spend a good 15mins hiding behind my leg until he gains his confidence. Time I had to get settled and know he wouldn't leave my side. That time my friends is gone. As soon as he walked in he was off and sussing out the legs of the stools by the coffee bar, sussing out the doorstop and managing to break it, weaving in and out of table and chairs, getting into the kitchen! I turned my head for 5 secs to ask my friend how she was and he was gone, the doors were shut so I knew he was somewhere, but where?! It was so nice to get up from my chair and having people looking at me pointing all in the same direction to tell me the location of my sons whereabouts. Yep I felt like a failure. I felt the judgement, or pity from them that I was doing a had job. I wanted to hang my head in shame, but  smiled courteously and held my head high...albeit heavy by this point. Shame is heavy...

I bought him breakfast, a baby chino to buy time for him to sit, which he did, but I had to manage that as well. I had to cut up his cheese on toast, and ensure he didn't spill his baby chino everywhere. So again I had still not managed to really ask my friend how she had been and what she had been up to (sadly to say if you asked me what we spoke about I couldnt' tell you....how bad is that?!)

He finished his food, he was done, my coffee was cold and he was off again.

The stairs, again another different type of land to walk on, another challenge to be able to do something by himself. I was lucky waiter took to him thought ht was cute and loved that my son followed him at times. So much so he felt he could pick him up and give him a hug. I have SO many problems with that its not funny, but it gave me 2 minutes to try and drink my coffee.

45mins and I had to leave. I couldn't sit and relax, I couldn't partake in conversation I failed. I don't know how to go out to have a coffee anymore. Another one of those thing I use to take for granted that I wont anymore. I left feeling defeated, sad and alone. This is becoming the story of my life. Maybe my next coffee catch up will be in 2017 with whoever will still be my friend, or even remember my name a hibernation seems my only option.

Maybe I need to consider a lead?!!...xo