Ok so I am finally ready to start this whole new concept to me called "dating". It s a foreign concept to me as I have never really "dated". I met my ex young, when we broke up I pined over him, and wasn't over him to invest in dating anyone...a few hook ups here and there..but no dates. Then we got back together, bought a house, got married, fell pregnant and lived happily...oh wait...no that last part never happened. This brings me back to dating...
First of all talking over text is easy, you can be anyone, say anything you want, be someone you aren't...you can be mysterious, funny, cute...although there is that massive risk that they read it the wrong way...so maybe text isn't easy?! But you can't get your heart broken if you haven't got past the texting can you?! But you can still feel rejection??
REJECTION ...how does anyone cope from rejection, I have had guys not text me back, text me to tell me that they didn't feel that connection on the date or just simply ignore me in all respects which makes me feel even more ugly and atrocious with nothing to offer...how do I get back out there without a reply to a simple text?? I'm screwed!
I have been on the odd date up until now...one was great we laughed, we chatted and time flew but he and I both knew that we had nothing in common (still a text to say he didn't feel anything kind of connection still hurt...even though I agreed! ouch!) I had one where he was so cute and successful with absolutely no personality...he said he would contact me and I didn't want him too, he didn't, again felt rejected. I tried Tinder just to see if I was "attractive" to the opposite sex or not...I got a lot of interest there...for sex of course, so I don't think attraction came into it. I think having a vagina did! So that was again not successful.
I tried the internet dating thing...I had heard about this one that was free and how "everyone" was meeting their boyfriends through this site. Well what the heck?! Lets give it a go.
Wowee...I got all these random (and I highlight the word "random") people contact me and tell me they want to "meet me"; that was a button you could press...I had all these people wanting to "Meet me" but not one spoke to me. I had a few email me and one was really sweet, nice, had a great body so we chatted/emailed through this site, and he got my number. He was forward and no bullshit and called me. A boy calling me how scary...haha. Anyway he rang me and we asked how our weekends were and then he proceeded to tell me about his 'specialist appointment' and was reluctant to tell me what is was for, at least I thought it was reluctance, more hesitation, which lasted all of 2 seconds in which he proceeded to tell me about how he had this lump and it might be cancer but it should be ok...and the rest of the conversation trying to (well it felt like) talking him off a ledge. Wow. So I couldn't wait to get off the phone. He text me to see if I wanted to catch up and I played the whole "I'm not ready for dating at the moment, I have too much on in my life at the moment and my son comes first" Shameful I know using my son...but I have some right don't I being a single mum?!! He replied saying 'How sweet I was' and 'loved my honesty' and 'whenever Im ready he is there'. Nice but no.
6 months later he text me and I felt that I needed to be open to dating... I had friends telling me to get out there and I wasn't "out there" Tell me what does it mean to be "out there"? How do I get "out there"?
He text me one night (at a reasonable hour) "Hi Gorgeous" Oh what...someone thinks I'm gorgeous. Well he had great muscles, was sweet, and direct, so maybe I should give this guy a go. We started chatting on the phone 1 time a week and it was not the easiest of conversations...he would talk but it was always depressing, or just strange. I felt like I needed to be open minded. I was being told to be more "open minded"
He told me about his cancer scare (again) and I tried to act concerned and surprised but realistically he had a small lump cut out...(disclaimer: don't get me wrong its still serious but when you have lost someone to cancer and someone tries to drum up sympathy by telling you they were close to death if the hadn't got that lump gone then and there, is doesn't site well with me). We had absolutely nothing in common...all that he had going for him was that he was nice to me. He told me he was really into fitness but his most expensive pair of runners were $15 from Rivers...RIVERS. Don't ever tell me you bought something from Rivers. I hear screams of fear coming from my closest when those ads come onto the TV. Again I was remaining open minded. He then continued to tell me he had really big feet and couldn't find runners that fit. I really didn't feel a connection, but I felt like I had to go on at least 1 date, so I did.
We met for a coffee...now this was an internet date so I had only seen photos. He rocked up in jeans with runners (the $15 runners!!!!) and was wearing an old leather bomber jacket (I didn't know they still existed) and I'll be honest...he looked a bit like a serial killer. He was so awkward. I had to lead the way to the cafe. I had to ask for a table, and I had to drive the ordering. I got a coffee pretty quick as I wanted the date over, I even manage to notice how cute the waiter was. On the date he managed to mention his $15 runners (again) and even mentioned Rivers (again my closest was screaming). I felt horrible, I felt sorry for him. I didn't know what to do. I wanted so badly to look at my watch, but he wouldn't take his eyes of me. We started talking about football and mentioned that one of the AFL players was gay and he said he didn't "get Gay people" and he wasn't comfortable with it (What???!) He told me that he didn't like it and then told me he thought his brother was gay. He told me how he was going through his brothers drawers one day and saw things (I didn't ask what these 'things' were) and I just kept thinking "You have to be kidding me?" and thought "What a perfect opportunity to stand up and storm out" but I just felt so sorry for this man, in his Jerry Seinfeld Jeans and Runners and old man bomber jacket, so I stayed. When I asked him the question "If your brother was gay would you still talk to him" and his response was "I don't know" WHAT?!!! How do I get away from this? How long has it been? Can I leave? Can't look at my watch he is staring right at me. Help!
He told me gay people cant play football. They apparently throw the football funny (he actually demonstrated...I nearly died...of laughter!) I couldn't take it anymore. A little more small talk went on. I finally looked at my watch (only an hour had past) and he said"Do you have to go?" and (again shamelessly used my son as an excuse) I said "Yeah". I got up rushed to the counter, he paid (I felt so bad...it was only a $3.00 coffee but still). As we walked out he started telling me about the time a wall fell on his leg...(seriously) and all I was thinking is "DO NOT WALK ME BACK TO MY CAR!!" Finally I could tell he was planning on walking me to my car (when I had established we had parked in completely opposite locations) so I stopped and said "lovely to finally meet you" and walked as fast as I could in the rain to my car and drove off home as quickly as humanly possible, without getting breaking any road rules of course!
So if that is what I have to look forward to maybe I should stay single and become a crazy cat lady (even though I don't like cats)....xo